God & Me

When I reach the afterlife,

And meet God,

I know He’s gonna pull my ears.

Then pick me up and give me a great big hug!

I am the black sheep of the flock.

I swear,

I use the Lord’s name in vain.

I’m a hot mess according to my Christian counterparts.

And I honestly don’t care!

My relationship is with God.

Not with a pastor.

Not with a deacon.

And most certainly NOT with their wives.

I lived my life serving.

And church politics and manipulation were the order of the day.

I stopped attending church when a pastor’s wife blatantly lied to get her way.

Using the pastor to banish my children and me from the church without listening to our side.

I mourned for months and questioned God.

My children turned their backs on religion and never looked back.

In the end, I decided to be of service to others.

I have served without letting the right know what the left was doing.

I don’t wave the Jesus flag for all to know I’m Christian.

I’m not a legalist enforcing the rules and laws of the Bible either.

Over the years, I’ve developed issues with the Bible and its contents.

I was taught that the Bible was written by men whom the Holy Ghost used to communicate God’s will.

It was God’s unquestionable Word.

But as it turns out, it’s a collection of ancient writings.

Written by people.

Copied by people.

Interpreted by people.

And ultimately assembled into different canons by people.

And whenever people are involved,

There are agendas to be had.

And the concept of heaven?

The idea of a heaven where good people go when they die wasn’t there from the beginning.

Throughout the Old Testament, God’s reward and retribution happen here, during this life.

Over time, religions found the need to give followers a place to balance out the good and evil people.

It ultimately resulted in heaven and hell.

And if you read the Old Testament, it’s pretty patriarchal.

There are passages where God is said to command the killing of entire populations—women and children included.

It allows men to enrich themselves from these killings.

My God is not a killer.

My God is patient.

My God is kind.

My God tells you your shit to your face.

My God tells you the consequences.

My God gives you the free will to make your choice.

My God messes with you for fun’s sake.

My God sits with you in your worst darkness.

My God loves you.

My God loves you even when you’ve done your worst.